


Why not me?

by JKC80



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12628218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JKC80/pseuds/JKC80
Summary: Nino has experienced some PTS and is now in the hands of his doctors





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first eva fan fic ... be kind ;)  
> it might be a bit slow in the beginning but it will get there

He heard the explosion, the screams…… then darkness.  
When he awoke he saw the face of a stranger staring back at him, he was feeling disoriented and his surrounds were unfamiliar and his body felt numb if not sore in some way. The stranger was talking for him but he didn’t hear anything he was saying as his mind was thinking a hundred miles an hour, what had happened to him, last thing he remembered he was with Toma and Jun in Iraq testing the new drones. He felt something touch his hand, he looked down, the stranger was patting his hand gently, he tried to focus on the voice…. “Ninomiya-san I know this is a lot to take in, I will send your sister in to see you.” And with that the man who had kind eyes and chubby cheeks left the room.  
“Kazunari! His sister screamed “I’m so glad to see you awake, how do you feel?” Ninomiya looked at his sister, then down to his body as he released he was lying on a hospital bed, the stranger must have been a doctor but it hadn’t registered as he was still racking his brain about what could of happen and for him to end up in a hospital.  
His lower body felt uncomfortable, he pulled up the sheets to see a bandage going from his upper chest to his hips. He had a drip in his left arm and was hooked up to a heart monitor. He looked back at his sister wanting to ask her what happen but he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth and say the words, he felt frozen, then he felt something wet on his cheek, after a few seconds he realised he was crying, but why? He didn’t feel like he was in that much pain, maybe it was the shock, the shock of not knowing what happened.  
His sister registered his concern and asked, “had Dr. Ohno explained to you what you went through?” he looked at her with a blank expression. She continued “what do you remember? Hey, Kazunari, you can talk to me, I’m your big sister, I love you.” He looked at her with that same blank expression, he saw tears swelling in her eyes yet he still could not bring himself to say anything. She then said, “take your time, I’m just going to ask Dr. Ohno a question” she patted his hand and walk out the door. What is happening to me?

A few minutes passed and in walked the stranger, Dr. Ohno his sister referred to him as, followed by his sister Riisa who tried to hide the look of worry on her face but he saw it clearly and also felt it, how could he not especially when he knew himself he probably looked the same.  
The stranger cleared his throat “Ninomiya-san, I am Dr. Ohno, can you please tell me your date of birth? 17th June 1983, but the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, he just sat there looking from the doctor to his sister and back, why couldn’t he answer. Dr. Ohno asked another question “what city were your born in? Tokyo, still no words left his mouth. The doctor asked one more question “can you tell me your sisters name?” it’s Riisa, Riisa god dam it, what is happening to me, why can’t I answer him. Tears fell down his face. Dr. Ohno sat on the chair next to the hospital bed. His face was kind and Nino knew something bad was coming “Ninomiya-san I’m not sure how much you remember of the past few days, your CT scan have come back clear but you could be suffering amnesia from the shock,” the doctor took a deep breath and continued “you are in Sapporo in the JSDF Hospital, you were flown here from Iraq 3 days ago after an EID exploded close to where you were performing tests on the new Unmanned Aerial Vehicles, you were brought in with severe trauma to your lumbar spine cause when the explosion sent you flying backwards and hitting your back on a large boulder, we operated successfully you had a fractured dislocation and in short we inserted a rod and screws to hold your spine in place and grafted small pieces of bone along the spine to encourage it to heal together” another deep breath “I understand this is a lot to take in but you will be able to walk again after you have started to heal but it will require rehabilitation and a lot of rest and patience, you will most likely reside here in the hospital for 3-4 months before starting therapy, if you have any questions please ask me. I just looked at the doctor and even if I could speak, what would I ask, so he said I’ve had an operation and I will walk again so far, I’m good but and IED exploded where is Jun, where is Toma, I couldn’t bring myself to ask the question. I was lost in my mind, I heard the doctor tell Riisa that he will order some more tests to see if there is a reason why I’m not talking but he suspects its some sort of PTSD from the trauma. I could feel my eyes getting heavy, I closed them, there was silence then… BOOM!!! 

I opened my eyes  
“Nino, Nino,” Jun was shaking me, “thank Christ Nino I thought you were dead.  
“Jun, what happened, my ears are ringing, and I can’t feel…. Shit I can’t feel anything below my waist.” I looked up into Jun’s face, blood was trickling down his cheek from a large gash, but he didn’t seem to notice, people were running around, dust was everywhere, I could hear screams, cries for help. Jun picked me up and carried me over his shoulder, then it went quiet and darkness fell again. When I awoke I was back in the hospital bed, but this time, this time I could feel, my skin it was clammy, and I was sweating, was it from the dream, no the nightmare. I felt something holding my hand, I turned to the chair the doctor had been sitting in that day, explaining about my surgery, it wasn’t the doctor it was Jun, he was holding my hand, his head resting on the side of my bed. I squeezed his hand, he immediately sat up, I noticed straight away, his face, the right side of it had a bandage on it just where the gash in the nightmare was, I felt my chest tighten, I tried to steady my breathing, the nightmare, was it, was it real? I looked into Jun’s soft brown eyes, they had dark lines under them. We just stared at each other for a few seconds before he spoke “Nino, Riisa has explained everything that the doctor has told her. I’m just so glad to see you on the mend. I pointed to his cheek “yeah, it’s just a scratch, it will heal, so it’s true… Riisa said you haven’t spoken a word since you came out of your induced coma for surgery?” it was a statement not a question, I nodded, I was so happy to see Jun, but where is Toma, I looked at Jun pleadingly, I looked around the room hoping he’d sense who else I wanted to see. He understood, I could see it in his face, his eyes were glassy, he didn’t need to say it but I needed to know for sure that this was real. Jun started “Toma, Toma, he, he didn’t make it Nino, I’m so sorry, he was closer to the IED than we were when it exploded his body took the brunt of the force, he didn’t recover from his injurie, he’s, he’s gone,” tears were pouring down from our cheeks, our hands holding each other tight not wanting to let the other go in case something was going to happened to the other.  
Christ, Toma’s wife, she would have been informed already, she was 6 or 7 months pregnant with their first child, a son, that would grow up never meeting his father, but he was sure as hell going to know who his father was, he and Jun would make sure of that.  
The next when Dr. Ohno came to see Ninomiya he told him “your scans came back normal, no swelling to be found, this kind of trauma can cause loss of speech, you just need to give it time and it will return when you are ready. I spoke to your friend Jun, he said he told you what happened over there and about your friend Toma,” he paused for a short while “I would like to introduce you to two friends and colleagues of mine if that’s ok, they will be assisting you in your next phase after you have been given the all clear to start your rehabilitation. I know I said that your stay here would be for a few months but it could help to talk to them, they work at our Medical Rehabilitation centre in Hokkaido where you will be transferred to, its much nicer than these drab grey walls and I doubt you’d miss this view,” he states looking out the window that looks out into the city. “Any ways, I’ve set up a day next week so we can all discuss your health and do our best for you, are you ok with that?” he looks at me and I just nod my head, what else can I do, my speech still hasn’t returned and if it did I would probably grudgingly say ‘whatever, doc’ because seriously a pity party is all I need. I’m not going to be able to give my condolences to Toma’s family, to tell his wife, I would gladly have given my life for his, he was the one with so much to live for and who was I? a nobody really, sure I have my mum, dad and sister and there’s Jun but that’s really it, I wasn’t married like Toma and I wasn’t about to be a father, why was it him who had to die and not me. Lying in this hospital bed, day after day, living in my own head with nothing better to think of it torture enough, it’s honestly a living hell, so why did I live and Toma die…. Why?  
I’m not sure what the day or the date is, Jun has been released from the hospital but visits every day, sometimes we just sit there in silence, him reading me pretending to sleep most the time in his presence, I don’t want him wasting his time on me, sometimes he reads aloud from the newspaper or he sits quietly reading a book, I think he’s tag teaming with Riisa because there always seems to be one or the other with me during the day but rarely at the same time. Dr. Ohno informs me tomorrow is Thursday and I will be meeting with his colleagues to discuss my future rehabilitation. He does his usually tests and checks the heart rate monitor than asks if there is anything I need before he leave, I just shake my head.  
Thursday comes and Dr. Ohno enters my room followed by two other men in white lab coats like the doctors. The tall one has a huge smile on his face like he just swallowed all the sunshine and it’s trying to escape through his eyes, the other is just a little shorter than his colleague with dark hair, thick lips and chipmunk cheeks, Dr. Ohno has place his chair at the base of the bed while his colleagues have two chairs on the right side of the bed, before sitting down Dr. Ohno explains “Ninomiya-san, these are my colleagues I have been telling you about,” he points to the tall one “this is Dr. Aiba and this is Dr. Sakurai,” pointing to the smaller of the two. “Nice to meet you Ninomiya-san, I am Dr. Aiba but you can call me Masaki, we will after all be spending a lot of time together and I’m not such a stuffed shirt like my colleague Sho here,” finishing with his wide smile. I nodded politely towards him. “Nice to meet you Ninomiya-san, I am Dr. Sakurai, I will be responsible for your rehabilitation, working on the physical side of things as Dr. Aiba will be assisting you more with the mental side of your therapy.” Yep that’s me a mental patient I sighed in my head, I didn’t want to appear rude so I nodded to him. Today was also the day Toma’s funeral was planned for. Jun had dropped in a few hours ago before leaving to attend, I wanted to write a note for him to give to Toma’s wife and parents but I didn’t know how to start it…. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I lived and your son didn’t, I’m sorry I’m lying in a hospital bed and he is about to be worm food, but I’ll probably still be here lying in this hospital bed, life is so cruel, I’m glad no one else can hear the voices in my head fight with each other or else they might but me on suicide watch, the thought has crossed my mind but what would Toma, what would Jun and Riisa say, it’s just selfishness, but I can’t help but think this way from time to time.

The three doctors continue talking but my mind has left the room, I close my eyes. 2:34am the clock on the bedside table reads. I’ve been asleep for almost 12hrs, I reach for my phone near the clock, there’s a message from Jun ….’hey I came by after the funeral but you were asleep, I wanted to know how the meeting went with the rehab people but I guess I’ll find out tomorrow, you know you can text me anytime write, texting isn’t talking….. jaa ne. I thought about ‘Masaki’ he seemed so full of life, like nothing bad had ever happened to him or it never bothered him. Then there was Dr. Sho, he had a strong aura around him, very professional even with those cute chipmunk cheeks, what the hell am I thinking of, my friend has just been buried and I am thinking of the cute doctor, nope out of my head, I’m half a vegetable there’s nothing to see in me anyway.  
True to his word Jun came to visit, he’s started his therapy a few weeks ago and is seeing ‘Masaki,’ “He’s a bit …… vibrant, isn’t he Jun asks, I nod my head in agreement, then write on a piece of paper ‘bubbly personality’ Jun giggles, it’s good to see him smile, I missed that laugh too. I add ‘my Wednesdays 2-3 pm belong to Dr. Aiba for the next two months before I move to the medical rehabilitation centre.’ “That’s good your talking to him,” Jun says “I think he will pick your spirits up he’s very good at talking and to talk to….. I know you still haven’t been able to talk but I’m sure he will help you work through it and you’ll be singing at karaoke at the top of your lungs in no time, were we’d all be wishing you stayed a mute… ouch” as my pillow somehow collided with Jun’s head. I met his handsome friend Dr. Sho too, he asked about you, you know.” My ears pricked up, I rolled my eyes, Jun the match maker. I shook my head and wrote ‘don’t go there, he’s a doctor and only interested in his patient’s best interest.’ Jun replied, “what if he thinks your best interest is him?” Jun says with a wicked smile, I throw my other pillow at him and give him the 5th degree stare, “ok, ok” he says, “but you have to admit he is devilishly handsome.” I don’t have to admit anything.  
Two months pass and Dr. Ohno is pushing my wheel chair towards the exit where an ambulance is going to transport me to the medical rehab centre, “this isn’t goodbye Ninomiya, I will be checking in on you every few days to monitor your progress,” he says with a smile. I give him a small smile and nod, quickly scribbling him a message, he reads it and smiles back “see you around…. Nino.”  
The ambulance arrives at the rehab centre and Dr. Bubbly himself is there to meet me. “Hi Nino” he shouts, hastily grabbing hold of the wheel chair just after the ambulance officer had released the stabilising clamps, he shouts out “reception can handle the paper work, thanks for all your help,” and we’re off for a whirl wind tour of the centre. Dr. Ohno was right this place is definitely better than the hospital, surrounded by trees, beautiful gardens with plenty of walkways, 2 large pools, ‘Masaki’ explained one was for patients to do laps in to build up their loss of muscle and the other which had several pool lifts to help lower patients into the pool was the one ‘Sho’ would be using with me, there was the gym, I’d never seen so many machines, I was more interested in the spa to sooth my aching muscles after a long day of physical exertion. Speaking of Dr. Sakurai I wonder where he was, probably busy with a patient who deserved his attention. Masaki finally arrived at the private rooms reserved for army personnel, separate quarter to the everyday civilian, same thing just covered by the army. “well I’ll leave you here to get acquainted to your new digs, if you need anything just press this blue button here and an orderly will come running and here’s my card I’ve written my personal mobile number on there too as well as Sho’s,” did I just see a twinkle in his eye, no, no way I must have been imagining it. “Jaa Ne,” Masaki waves, I wave back at him. Ok so what am I going to do with myself, I guess I’m a little tired from the tour, maybe I should rest, so I guess I’ll try and get myself out of this wheelchair and onto the bed myself. It was hard, not moving for weeks had definitely not helped to keep his arms strong, he had lost a fair bit of muscle definition and it’s not like he was superman to start with. But this felt like make or break, the struggle within himself, does he try to get his life back to the order it once was or does he continue on the path of self-pity and fall deeper into the abyss of emptiness…. Screw it, Toma wouldn’t give up, nor would Jun. Nino reached as far as he could onto the mattress gripping it and pulling with all his might, he pulled himself out of the chair, his chest was on the bed, he than army crawled, dragging his legs onto the bed, then repositioning himself to lie down properly, sleep came quick as he had totally exhausted himself. In a small surveillance room down the corridor, Sho had a smirk on his face. “Sho I felt so bad leaving him there to do that all by himself, he probably thinks I’m an absent minded fool” Masaki pouted. “No more than what he probably thinks already my friend, plus I needed to know if I was right, that Ninomiya is not a quitter, now we can start his therapy, by the way, has he said anything at all to you in the last few weeks that you had been seeing him?” “Don’t you think I would have told you Sho?” “Well it is you Aibaka” which earns Sho a tap on the back of his head, but he smiles all the same. "Don't you think it's a little strange?" Sho quires. "No, not really, people deal with stress and traumatic experiences in different ways, i'm sure he'll snap out of it soon." Sho nodded and hoped Masaki was right .


	2. Therapy starts

A knock on the door “Good morning Nino,” Nino covered his head under the blanket, if he could he would happily shout out ‘go away Masaki, it’s far too early,’ but still nothing. “Come on Nino, I know your just dying to spend more time with me, or maybe I’m not the one you’re looking forward to seeing today.” Nino cringes under the sheet, there’s no way I can be that obvious…. Can I? no Maskai is just teasing me. The covers are pulled off me and I turn to face the doctor and give him a glare that would freeze hell itself.  
“Come on, you don’t want to be late for your first session with Sho.” He goes to help me into the wheelchair, but I push his hands aside, I can do this I tell myself, from now on I am strong, I proved last night I could get out of that damn chair on my own and I’m going to keep moving forward, no going backwards from here on in, I’m on my own in this. I lower myself in the chair and wheel myself into the bathroom, don’t think I don’t notice Masaki’s little smirk when I saw his reflection in the mirror before closing the door, I know he is only trying to do his job, in the end we’re doctor and patient, not friends, as friendly as he is, he will be like that with all patients, making them feel better about themselves that’s what doctors are for. Twenty minutes later I emerge after giving myself a quick sponge bath and dressing myself, it wasn’t as difficult as I thought, just the part of taking off my pants and underwear and putting them back on was a pain but other than that I managed. Masaki was sitting on the chair in the room waiting, he stood, and I nodded for him to lead the way, he obviously got the hint that I would be in charge of my wheelchair. I wheeled beside him as he took me to Dr. Sakaurai’s office. “Sho, Nino is here for his first physical therapy lesson,” Masaki chimed.”  
“Good morning Ninomiya-san, I hope your first night was a restful one, we have a lot to discuss about your therapy schedule I have devised for you, thank you Aiba.”  
“No problems, have fun Nino, Sho will take good care of you,” he said, throwing a kind of wink towards Sho.  
Nino nodded a ‘morning’ to Sho.  
“So Ninomiya-san,” Sho stopped as Ninomiya was hurryingly scribbling down something.  
‘Please call me Nino.’ He showed Sho the note.  
“Ok, Nino. Today we are going to start you off with the parallel bars, we use them to help patients regain mobility, strength, balance, and range of other motions. After this we will go to the pool for some water therapy, I won’t be over stressing you so if you feel like you need a break please let me know, so what do you think so far?”  
‘Hmmmmmm, sounds it’s going to be a painful day,’ I scribbled down ‘lead the way’ and nodded.  
Dr. Sakurai, well since I can’t address him verbally I’m just going to call him Sho, Sho didn’t even attempt to help me with the wheelchair, he gestured that I follow him. He made small talk as we went through the corridors. Being with Sho made me feel happy, am I allowed to feel this way, why do I get to feel this way. He respected me and didn’t treat or look at me with pity, not that Masaki did but being with Sho it’s like he really did know what I was going through, I guess that’s what makes him a good therapist, being able to read people. We arrived at the gym. There was only one other person in there, a young man wiping down the equipment, Sho gave a wave and the guy nodded back.  
“Ok, Ninomi… Nino, it will be tough in the beginning but I’m sure you are going to take this in your stride, you wouldn’t have joined the army if you were a quitter am I right?”  
I looked at Sho, I felt like saying ‘you do realise that I am no was or am I still, a remote-control drone pilot, I never really leave the base, the only reason we were in Iraq was to test these new stealth drones and it required us to be on site if there were any mechanical problems, yeah it was a one time in a million that we’d leave the office and the reason why Toma will never return. I was more determined than ever to gain my mobility back and the first thing I would do is visit Toma’s grave and his family to give my condolences and not to receive their pity.  
I positioned the chair at the start of the bars, I pulled myself up with all my strength, I looked at Sho, if he was surprised he didn’t show it, I felt the burn in my arms, the pain in my back and my legs, it hurt, it hurt like a bitch I felt someone by myside, I knew it was Sho, through the pain I heard his words of encouragement, it spurred me on, I felt like I had been going for ages, everything ached but the end was still metres away, I can’t give up, sweat was dripping down my face, down my body, I felt weak, maybe I am weak, I felt a hand snake around my waist, before I realised what I did I let go of the bars to push it away and fell down, my face hitting the support mat underneath, I was breathing heavily, I felt the hands again and turned to glare at Sho, I want to yell, to tell him to piss off I don’t need your help. He looked at me with those kind eyes, why were they looking glassy, he sat sown next to me and softly said “I know you’re a fighter but please remember you are not alone, let me help you and pushing yourself to the limit is not the answer, nobody thinks your weak,” he squeezed my shoulder then he was helping my back up into the my wheelchair, I didn’t fight him, was it from exhaustion, maybe or maybe it was what I saw in his eyes and heard in his voice, was he really like this with all his patients? 

After the first two weeks, my progress with my physical therapy was going slow still, yet I could feel movement coming back little by little each day, it still took a lot of energy out of me, but I was determined not to give up, if not for myself then to prove to Sho that he was right I was a fighter and without his valuable guidance I would never have gotten this far. I am meeting Masaki for a group meeting today with people talking about their PTSD, not something I want to be a part of, talking about my trauma but since I can’t talk about it I grudgingly accepted. Masaki was sitting in the room with about five other people when I arrived, he smiled “welcome Nino, lease join us, and we can start.” I positioned my wheelchair adjacent from Masaki, he told the others that I would be only observing today. An hour later I had heard more than enough, here I was pitying myself especially in the beginning in the hospital but these people, their PTS experiences were stuff of nightmares. Michico had lost her whole platoon and her eyesight when a suicide bomber entered a bar late one night. Yuri had lost both his legs when an IED exploded killing his patrol dog. Shun lost his twin brother when then armoured car they were patrolling in was attacked and there are more stories from the other but everything has now melded into one big knot of disgust in my stomach, I had only thought of myself up until now, pity party for one, no I was not the only one all these people and other people out there all had their demons to fight, I was not the only one, I knew that but until hearing from all these people I finally realised it.

Sitting under the large red maple acer tree, I peered out across the pond, watching the swans. I was too far into my mind to hear him approach. “Did you forget we had a session booked for 4pm today,” Sho asked. I didn’t look at him, I felt disgusted in myself for being so self-centred, believing that I was the only one who should feel this way. He sat down on the bench that was next to me and we just stared out at the pond in silence for a while until he spoke “well your lucky I like you, so I’ll let it slip this time but no more skipping sessions ok.” He turned to leave I want to say “stay,” ….. d, d, did I just speak?  
Sho stopped, he stood with his back towards me “what, what did you say?”  
Did I? did I say something? I tried again, this time I really did hear myself, it was but a whisper and it was hoarse “stay, please.” Sho turned and looked at me, a hint of a smile on those beautiful lips of his. He sat back down on the bench, after a few seconds he spoke “since you asked so nicely.” We both kept looking out across the lake except this time Sho was holding my hand in his, I felt nice. After a while Sho spoke “I had a little brother once.”  
I looked at him in a questioning surprise….. once?  
Sho continued “you remind me a lot about Shu in some ways, stubborn, head strong, always seeming to fight yourself and the demons in your head. He also suffered from PTS, back than Aiba, Ohno and me were all in our first year as doctors, I was pretty busy with patients and other hospital work when I had a phone call saying Shu had been in an accident and medevaced to a hospital in Tokyo, I was on the first flight there.” Sho paused for a moment, I saw his eyes glass over and gave him a reassuring squeezing of his hand to let him know I was here, I was listening, he was not alone, like he had done for me so many times. He continued.  
“Shu’s battalion had been ambushed, he watched as his best friend had been killed right in front of his eyes, Shu had been shot too and his team mates had dragged him to the extraction point. He had lost a lot of blood, but they managed to stabilise him before medevacing him to Tokyo. He woke up a few days later. I didn’t notice it at first, I knew he was traumatised about Yoko, his best friend, a weaker man would have receded into his shell and never come back, but Shu was strong…. His name even meant to practice and become master of something,” Sho chuckled a little. “as the case is after being released from hospital you go to rehab and regain your strength physically and mentally. Several weeks after being released from rehab and passing all tests,” Sho paused, his face lost a little colour and went black as if remembering what he was about to say was something he had tried hard to forget, I braced myself so what he was about to say. “I found him in the bathtub, he had slashed his wrists.” Teats poured down Sho’s face, I felt his hand trembling, he released my hand and wiped his face. Before I knew it, I had wheeled the chair to face him, I put my arms around his shoulders and pulled him into me, I held him tight, I whispered “Sho.”

After a few seconds, he pulled back and wiped his eyes, we looked straight at each other, I took his hands and he gave me a small smile. He said, “I’ve watched you struggle and Abia said you left the session upset today, I know your strong but so was Shu, please talk to someone, I worry about you.”  
I gave him a reassuring smile and wiped a tear from his eye and tried to talk again “I am speaking to someone.” Sho gave a small chuckle and said, “yeah you are.” I pushed myself out of the chair and sat next to Sho on the bench, we held hands till the sunset. “Can I walk you home,” Sho asked.  
“Sure, why not.” I said with a small chuckle  
I got back into the wheelchair. “So, when did you realise your voice had come back?” Sho asked.  
“I hadn’t until you went to leave, and I really didn’t want you to go, it was a surprise to me to.” “So, do you walk all your patients that miss their session and you come looking for them home?”  
“No, just you.”  
We arrived at my room “well this is me,” I said coyly. I entered, Sho watched me. “well I should go” he said. I didn’t want him to leave and I’m pretty sure he didn’t wasn’t to leave either. “Stay.”  
“You seem to like saying that word to me” he grinned. I could feel my ears turning pink.  
“I shouldn’t it’s wouldn’t be very professional of me and it would violate a few policies.” I rolled my eyes. I pushed myself up, out of the chair I grinned at Sho “so you don’t want to see all that hard work you’ve put into my physical therapy session.”  
He closed the door, locking it, I took a few staggered steps towards him, just as I was about to reach him my legs went weak, but I didn’t fall, two large hands held my waist. I blushed. “got you,” he said. I looked into his eyes and said “yeah, you do.” I put my arms around his neck and he leaned in and we kissed, it wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t hungry it was just perfect. Maybe I can have this, maybe I do deserve to feel this way. Sho swept me over to the bed. He laid me down and then laid down beside me, he brushed the bangs from my eyes, we both were breathing deeply, we looked into each other’s eyes, our fingers ghosting each other’s face, he cupped my chin and kissed me again, I melted into those beautiful lips of his, my hand was resting on his waist, his hand was my nape while our other hands were intertwined. The bed was small but we somehow fit. After a while the kiss got hungry and I felt his tongue asking permission, I opened my mouth for him, god it felt great, my heart was beating so fast. I pushed his shirt up to his neck, he got the hint and removed it, I took this chance to straddle him, ghosting kisses over his neck and down to his nipple “Kazu” he groaned. Kazu, coming from him it felt so erotic it made something awaken, I felt my dick bulge in my pants, Sho had to of felt it against his thigh.  
“To many clothes” he hissed in my ear. He pushed me back and pulled of my shirt off, then in the same move I did to him he flipped our positions “Arh” I stammered as my head hit the mattress “oh my god, Kazu I’m so sorry,” he went to get up, I pulled him down into an embrace “I’m not hurt, it was just so fast, I was shocked that’s all” I said as I kissed his forehead. “are you sure” he asked, I smiled and curled his bangs behind his ear “so where were we” Sho asks, “I think you were about to relieve me from my pants” I smirked. I started to tug my pants down a little so Sho would get the idea, he did and removed his, the same time, now we were both in our boxers, he looked at me his eyes full of lust “may I” he asked, “you may” I answered.  
He tugged at the hem of my boxers and pulled it down, my dick half hard already, he licked his beautiful lips then blew gently over the top of my throbbing erection “Oh Sho, please.”  
“Please what” he asked gingerly. “please take me in your gorgeous mouth.” I felt the warmth of his tongue lick over my length, teasing me before he took me all in over and over “Sho, Sho,” it was like a mantra, it had been so long, I wasn’t going to be able to hold it for long. The warmth was lost, Sho pumped my length a few times then said, “Come for me Kazu” as his mouth was all around my dick again. I thrusted my hips several times “Sho I’m cuming, but it was already happening, he kept sucking me off, I rode out my orgasm in Sho’s mouth and he swallowed every bit. When I came down I breathed out “that was amazing,” before pulling Sho into a kiss. Sho still had his boxers on but I could see how hard he was “remove your boxers” I ordered. He quickly pulled them off, he was large, large than I dreamed, his throbbing dick leaking pre-cum. Palmed him a few time “Kazu” he whispered as he bit my earlobe, it sent shiver down my spine. “Kazu, what do you want?”  
“I want you in me.”  
“We don’t have any precautions or lube.”  
“I don’t care, I’ve wanted you for so long and I don’t want to wait any longer.”  
“But your back, I don’t want to hurt you.”  
“You won’t, I trust you.”  
Sho seemed to hesitate “tell me the second it might hurt.” I nodded.  
He used his pre-cum as a lubricant and started working on my opening before sticking a finger in. I felt the slight burn as he inserted two and started to work on loosening the entrance. “Please Sho,” I pleaded “I need you so much, I need you in me now.”  
“Christ Kazu, you’re so tight, I don’t want to hurt you. ”I started to fuck myself on Sho’s fingers, I felt his fingers brush my prostate “shit, shit, I need you, I need you now.” I look down at my neglected cock, it was half hard again already and just dripping with desire.  
“Please Sho,” I begged. Sho’s eyes were dark with want, it sent a shudder sown my spine knowing I can do this to him. The man I tried to deny myself from falling in love with as I thought I didn’t deserve this, deserve life, deserve love but he showed me I do and that made my want towards him more unbearable.  
Sho didn’t bother with a third finger, he rubbed his pre-cum over his dick, pumping it several times, he placed the head of his dick at my entrance, he gave me a look of pleasure and worried “it’s you, I’ll be fine, I trust you.” He pushed in “oh shit kazu, shit you’re so tight. Sho slowly pushed in, the pleasure out weights the pain. I felt Sho’s balls again my arse. He stopped giving me plenty of time to adjust to the fullness that was Sho. I gave him a nod, he started to pull out a little and push back in, god it was bliss. He pulled me up into a wet kiss, it was so intense, we were so hungry for each other. Sho pulled his mouth away “are you sure you’re alright,” I rolled my eyes “i might be the bottom, but I’m no girl.” Sho laughed and started to thrust hard into me “Sho, Sho, fuck Sho right there,” I scream. “Kazu, fuck, you feel so amazing, fuck.” As the rhythm got faster Sho grabbed hold of my dick and started pumping it “together,” he cried and within seconds I had some again this time between our hot and sweaty bodies, While the world was nothing but stars Sho lowered me back onto the bed and pulled my legs up pounding into me harder until he rode out his orgasm seconds later, filling me with his hot cum. He lied down next to me and pulled me close and kissed my forehead “that was incredible, your incredible” he whispered. I kissed him, it wasn’t hurried, it was soft and gentle I looked into his eyes and I needed to say it “Sho, I love you.” He smiled and pecked my nose “I love you to Kazu.” We cuddled for a while, then Sho got up and looked down at me and asked awkwardly “I know you can do it yourself but can I carry you to the shower because,” and before he could finished I snapped “of course you’re going to carry me I could barely walk before and after what you had just done to me walking is the last thing I’d be able to do” I said with a huge smirk on my face. Sho laughed and whisked me away into the bathroom for a hot shower, full of steamy kisses. After the shower I dressed myself while Sho changed the sheets. We then lied down together as sleep was calling our names. “Sho,” I started, he hummed “thank you for telling me about your brother, I understand why your care so much, I’ll do you proud to show you how strong I am because of you.” I felt his smile on my cheek “Kazu you were strong before me, I just reminded you that strength was still there.”  
“you’re wrong Sho, I am only this strong because of you.” We both drifted off into sleep. My heart beating in rhythm with his, beating for him.


End file.
